Archives: February 2008
02/29 REAL TALK IN RELATIONSHIPS: You can't hide from love!
How often have you tried to hide from the people who love you?How often have you held them away when they wanted to know something that was important to you, or maybe even withheld information from them or telling them things, so that you can refrain from being in the spotlight?
Well, I got news for you...
You can't hide from love, and neither can I.
It's the very fabric that ties us to everything that we do. It's the passion that gets us up in the morning... if in fact we allow passion to wake us up in the morning.
Some of us get up just to pay bills. Is this you? If so, then you should find some love...
Chances are you don't have to look very far, allow the people around you to actually enter your life. Most of us have been hurt in the past, and others have just recently been hurt for the first time, and never want to feel it again. Maybe by a husband, wife, boyfriend, girlfriend, mom, dad, sister, or brother -- no matter who you may be holding a grudge against, just know that you're holding one against yourself too. It was you being brave enough to put yourself on the line and be vulnerable that allowed you to get hurt -- and that -- taking chances -- is the very experience of being alive.
To ride a bike you have to get on, and to be alive you have to jump in the game and get on the court, and when you're in the game and on the court you now have chances of both winning and losing.
Are you hiding from love? (Also known as attention, support, the spotlight, care, etc.)
You are being heard here at Real Talk. This IS about you.
It's a great day! Enjoy.
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02/26 REAL TALK: REPOST - 3 Keys to Talking 4 Real
How many REAL conversations have you had today?Most often I find myself with a desire to have conversations with people that go beyond the superficial, but just can't seem to get there with some people.
There's a place and a time for it... and there's also a personality type. Some people don't want to talk about more than the weather, and others tell you so much that you just don't get anything in, in which case you probably don't enjoy talking with that person much.
There's a funny thing about conversation, it requires two... two to be generous, vulnerable, honest, and to put the facades aside... or at least that's what a REAL conversation feeds off of...
So how do you talk for real? How do you start a real conversation with a person?
Maybe he/she is important to you and you want to know more about him/her?
First:
PAY ATTENTION!
If someone is ready to go to a party to celebrate, chances are they don't want to talk about their life, their goals, or whether they're on track with their new year's resolution... us human beings are funny that way. :P
Timing is a very important skill... use it by paying attention.
Second:
Say what you want.
No matter what the situation, say what you want. If you want to have a real conversation, let them know. Say "Hey! Can we have a serious chat?" Or, "a deep conversation?" Most people don't call it talking for real. :P You can even set up a catch phrase where each of you know that it's about a real topic or if it's regular chat. For example, one of my friends knows that when I say "can we chat?" That it's important and it means a lot to me; so she stops what she's doing, or she'll say, "I cannot give you my undivided attention right now... how about at 5? (or whatever the time is.)
Third:
Say what's there is to say.
Common action: Prep a serious conversation by asking for their undivided attention, and then saying "never mind" or backing out. DON'T DO THIS...
If you don't know how to say what you need to say... let them know that. And then start talking. Do you think it will hurt their feelings? Prep them by letting them know that what you have to say may come off arrogant or disenchanting. Nervous? Say that. And the list goes on. Express how you feel about what you're going to say first, so that what you actually have to say will be CLEAR when you say it. Train yourself to be brutally honest with you, and then have your brain transfer that honesty to your mouth...WITH SOME COMPASSION. (That's for the potty mouths out there! LOL!)
After this, the person will respond however they respond. Don't anticipate a response, rather be more concerned with if their response was authentic or if it was hiding something that they really wanted to say. BUT still listen to what they are saying. Sometimes we listen for a certain response and then get throughly upset when we don't get what we want. Otherwise, telling them they're free to say what they want, and then jumping down their throat when they do.
At this point, you are on your way to a well oiled conversation. The first few times, it'll be a bit of a bumpy and scary ride... after all who the hell wants to be VULNERABLE right? Even so, being vulnerable has been the key ingredient to some of my best relationships.
It's a great day! Enjoy!
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02/21 REAL TALK: Notes from Real Talk #64
Hey All,
I hope all is well as you read this.
We're working to keep things moving, we've updated the ReVerb to include the 3 Keys to Talking 4 Real for those who are interested in starting authentic conversations with their friends, family and loved ones.
We've added content and a more noticeable navigation tabs. We anticipate launching a new site in late march, so keep an eye out.
Did you miss Real Talk yesterday?
Here's some of the things we talked about:
Relationships. Jullien from Mylinia shared with us his distinguishing factors for relationships called the 3 Ts. They are:
the "Two People," "Type of Relationship," and "Timing."
If you have two people trying to be lovers, when they should be friends, that usually causes an issue. Same if you have two people who are not aligned in vision or morals trying to be business partners, and then of course if it's not the right time, that always plays a factor.
When you look at the relationships you hold on to and cherish most, take these factors into account and see if all three are in alignment for you.
P.O.O.R. and R.I.C.H. Nicole provided the acronyms for both:
Poor - Pass Over Opportunity Repeatedly
Rich - Realize It Can Happen
Which one are you?
Passion equals Power James shared with us an insight he had at the table. We were talking about passion all night. He said: "people usually connect fire to power, and connect passion to fire, so therefore passion equals power."
How often have you been passionate about something and had the power to influence the direction in which it went, whether it was something you didn't want, or something you did want? How often are you passionate about something? Consider that your passion is your power and by passion, I mean your ability to express yourself fully and clearly no matter what the circumstance or situation.
Of course we covered a lot more, however, you'd have to come to know the rest. Be there, next time - Third Wednesday in March, the 19th at 7pm.
It's a great day! Enjoy!
This IS about you. Real Talk.
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02/15 REAL TALK: Strength
It takes strengthIt takes strength to do what must be done when the work is unpleasant and uncomfortable.
It takes strength to persist in the face of obstacles, when it would be much easier to simply give up.
It takes strength to be polite to someone when that person has been rude to you.
It takes strength to be truthful when a lie would be more convenient.
It takes strength to build for the future. It takes strength to resist temptations and distractions. It takes strength to do what is right.
It takes strength to make an effort when it would be easier to make up an excuse.
It takes strength to do all these things. And all the while, these are the very things that build even more strength.
Be truthful, do what you know is right, put forth effort when it is called for, persist, and the more you do so, the more easily you'll be able to do so.
Exercise your strength, and you'll surely grow stronger, more capable, and successful in each endeavor.--
- Ralph Marston
YOU ARE BEING HEARD HERE AT REAL TALK. To your empowered and inspired life.
- Ryan
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02/14 REAL TALK IN MONEY: Round 2 - Interview with Geezeo.com
Did you get a chance to check out part one of the money interview with Geezeo.com?
If not here it is... Real Talk about Money - Part 1
Also, here's part 2: Real Talk about Money - Part 2
Soon after, we'll drop in the actual text so that you can read it right here on talking4real.com
It's a great day! Enjoy!
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02/13 REAL TALK IN MONEY: Allah Jesus' interview with Geezeo.com
Hey Everybody!
This is cool!
I did a two-part interview with my friend Katie at Geezeo.com, a web based personal finance company on the topic of money.
We covered questions such as: why do people have difficulty discussing money?... and How can you start having an honest discussion about money?.
This is good stuff. I trust it will make a difference in your financial life. Click here to check it out!
It's a great day! Enjoy!
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02/10 REAL TALK SCHEDULE: Next Real Talk in New York #64 - February 20, 2008
Next Real Talk in NYSee you all there with a friend!!! (smiles!)
Real Talk is held at the Marriott Marquis in Times Square.
That's on 45th & Broadway in Manhattan!
You can take any of the following trains to 42nd st. A,C,E,N,R,Q,W,1,2,3 and then walk toward 45th and Broadway. We'll be on the 8th Floor in the Atrium Lounge.
The location is provided courtesy of Marriott International
YOU ARE BEING HEARD HERE AT REAL TALK. To your empowered and inspired life.
- Ryan
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02/09 REAL TALK IN BLACK HISTORY: Brothers or Fools?
"We must all learn to live together as brothers, or we will all perish together as fools."- Dr. Martin Luther King Jr.
YOU ARE BEING HEARD HERE AT REAL TALK. To your empowered and inspired life.
- Ryan
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02/09 REAL TALK IN POLITICS & MUSIC: Yes We Can!
From the genius mind of Singer/Songwriter/Producer Will.i.amYes We Can
I encourage you all to be well informed on each candidate's stand on the "issues."
YOU ARE BEING HEARD HERE AT REAL TALK. To your empowered and inspired life.
- Ryan
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02/07 REAL TALK IN BLACK HISTORY: Sen. Barack Obama (D)
Did you know?
In the olden days during slave activity and trade, although the Caucasian slave owners did not respect or have any regard for the black slaves, they did have high regard and respect for the African Kings and Prime Ministers who would visit the country. Most African countries' key officials and leaders would visit for business or leisure without even fearing the threat of being enslaved during their visit. They were of equal and sometimes higher character in the eyes of the American Majority.
Barack Obama is half Kenyan, and his mother is white. He has no connection to the American era of slavery, none of his ancestors came over to the US on slave ships. Many Americans believe this is the reason why he is so highly regarded by the US Majority and is giving Mrs. Clinton a fair and just competition in the 2008 Democratic run. It's said that none of his ways or trains of thought are governed by having been oppressed or chained as it normally would have in the event that he had slave ancestry.
Question:
1. Have African Americans held on to the past so tightly that it is effecting our ability to free ourselves from the mental traditions of being a slave?
2. As a Caucasian person do you have different levels of respect for African American (Black) people based on their ancestry?
Ladies and gentlemen this is Real Talk. This is about you.
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It's a great day! Enjoy!
02/07 REAL TALK IN MUSIC: New Soul - Yael Naim
I like this song, and the video has a great concept when it comes to passion. What do you make of the words?... the video?It's also the song in the background for the commercial of the new MacBook Air from Apple. I suppose if it wasn't for apple, I wouldn't know who this artist is. The lyrics are below the video.
I'm a new soul I came to this strange world hoping I could learn a bit about how to give and take.
But since I came here
Felt the joy and the fear
Finding myself making every possible mistake
La-la-la-la-la-la-la-la...
I'm a young soul in this very strange world hoping I could learn a bit about what is true and fake.
But why all this hate?
Try to communicate.
Finding trust and love is not always easy to make.
La-la-la-la-la-la-la-la...
This is a happy end cause' you don't understand everything you have done why's everything so wrong
This is a happy end come and give me your hand I'll take your far away.
[Refrain]:
I'm a new soul I came to this strange world hoping I could learn a bit about how to give and take
But since I came here felt the joy and the fear finding myself making every possible mistake
--------
What's real? (No pun intended) What's fake? How do we communicate?
The ball is in your court.
It's a great day! Enjoy!
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02/06 REAL TALK: Because I've lost, am I a loser?
There's a quote; I don't know who the author is, maybe you do?
It goes to say: "Twice I did good, and that I heard of never, once I did bad, and that I heard of ever."
Do the moments of the past, dictate who we are today?
How often have you done really, really well in a relationship, or at work, or at school, and then one wrong action spiraled an entire arsenal of negative results?
Are we controlled by our results? Or are our results controlled by us?
So!We made a mistake. Does that mean we must continue to be that mistake for the rest of our lives? My answer is NO. Your answer is based on what you choose.
At the end of the day it comes down to forgiveness. To for-give is to restore something to it's original state. So if you've lost, then you play again, just like you had an opportunity to win the first time.
Here's three steps you can take to ensure that when you fail, or lose, you don't become a failure or a loser:
1. Look at what it meant to you to win, or succeed. Was it your livelihood, your last breath, your last chance? The truth is, it's never either of these things. Sure, every moment and opportunity is one of a kind, but use that as motivation to get you to move with passion, not with fear for the future or dislike of yourself.
2. Forgive yourself. You're human for goodness sakes, allow yourself some wiggle room. If someone else said to you some of the stuff you say to yourself in your head, you'd probably want to fight them. Give yourself a break! Say it aloud: "I forgive me!" then go look in the mirror and say "I forgive you," and then pay attention to see the burdens disperse.
3. Forgive others who are involved. We always want to point the finger and get the blame game going. Dont' sign up for that class. It's not going to award you any useful credits in the attaining your diploma in the game of life. It's one of those electives that just waste your time and energy. Go to the person you've blamed and apologize to them for blaming them. They may not even know, but they'll appreciate it. This takes courage, so only those who have it, should do it. I'm sure that's you! Say aloud "I forgive (the persons name.)"
Follow these steps and you'll be sure to avoid becoming your results, as opposed to having your results.
It's a great day! Enjoy!
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